Saturday, March 31, 2007

Emily Byers to Run for President in 2008!

Disappointed by the lack of strong conservative candidates so far in the primary, our very own Emily Byers has decided to run for the White House in 2008.

On making her announcement, Ms. Byers declared, “The positions on policy are important to me but really I think it’s about time we had a woman president. The presidency, when examined closely, is really a job for women and only women.”

In the rest of her speech, Ms. Byers outlined the platform she will be taking. We all know that Ms. Byers is strongly pro-life and that will be a major part of her platform. However, Ms. Byers has also identified what she perceives as “weak” stances on immigration. She is proposing an electric fence across the entire border, a ban on new immigration, and English as the sole national language because Spanish “is pretty lame.”

Ms. Byers has already made waves in the presidential race by beating the other candidates in naming her running mate. She will be running with another Parousian, Kim Monteleone. When asked why she joined the ticket, Ms. Monteleone responded: “I like babies.” Ms. Monteleone and campaign manager Amanda Pendleton made their first campaign stop in front of the White House, where they prophesied a victory for Byers/Monteleone 2008 and showed the reporters at the scene the celebration that would occur next November.

We do however fear that this campaign could get dirty with this entry, as Ms. Pendleton has already formally accused Rudy Guiliani of being in the mafia.

1 comment:

Amanda Pendleton said...

What? I never said he was in the Mafia! As a campaign manager and probably the PR, I would never make statements I couldn't back up with facts.